I never taught that I would end up be in this situation. I wish Blake was here to talk to. Its so hard to manage time with Going class+Dota+Girl+Eat+Sleep+Chores+Work.... I cant seem to manage the time well enough to please everyone arround. Sometimes, I just wish that I can sleep less a day.
I havent been in class for 5 times and my parents are making a heck of a big deal out of it. I know no matter wat reason i might come out with its still an excuse. Wat more to tell them other than i am sorry? I havent been a good child to them, as I wasnt at the top of my class, being an obedient child, or even managing my money well enough. Why cant i just want a simple life. Chasing a dream and a vision that is just beyond, just makes me so tired sometimes.
I have to please everyone, and at the end of the day, i disappoint everyone. I wont run away from the problems that i caused, and i just got to say, I'm sorry.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Sorry Bloggie
I left this blog for sometime SORRY*. It has been a busy time for me. Normal college semester of 3-4 months are all squeezed up in just 7 weeks. Its a heck of a deal when this is my last chance to turn over a new leaf.
Well, Penny left yesterday and it seems so quiet in the room without her arround. Ofcourse since she was staying over for about 3 weeks. Hope she is all well and good back home.
I remembered 1 day when i was going through my e-mails, I saw a mail about plastic surgery. Hmm.. The difference it made for the girl in that picture was HUGE! Then something occured in my mind. Are these people accepted from the society? It might change how people look at you (first sight) but what is the point of hiding from what you are born as? I tought for awhile, and its just outrageous how people are going just to be noticed. Just want to be out from the shadows of society.
I wondered again, what happens to the perceptions of their loved ones? I tried to put myself in that shoe and I came to my own conclusion : The desperation of attention and self-esteem has brought them to this stage in life. In this world of "Masked" people, we can never be who we are because we are not living in this world on our own.
Living life with no boundries is almost everyones dream~ So am I!
Well, Penny left yesterday and it seems so quiet in the room without her arround. Ofcourse since she was staying over for about 3 weeks. Hope she is all well and good back home.
I remembered 1 day when i was going through my e-mails, I saw a mail about plastic surgery. Hmm.. The difference it made for the girl in that picture was HUGE! Then something occured in my mind. Are these people accepted from the society? It might change how people look at you (first sight) but what is the point of hiding from what you are born as? I tought for awhile, and its just outrageous how people are going just to be noticed. Just want to be out from the shadows of society.
I wondered again, what happens to the perceptions of their loved ones? I tried to put myself in that shoe and I came to my own conclusion : The desperation of attention and self-esteem has brought them to this stage in life. In this world of "Masked" people, we can never be who we are because we are not living in this world on our own.
Living life with no boundries is almost everyones dream~ So am I!
Monday, September 1, 2008
Just what i needed
Tomorrow is going to be the start of something new. New course, new college, new friends, and a new environment. This is it, I will make it.
Dreams are meant to come true, if only dedication and will is there.
Sorrows are meant to be solved, instead of letting it hunt arround you.
Words are meant to be said, but choose the right words.
Aims are meant to be acheived, with the right goal and decision to make.
LoL.. I keep finding words to keep me dedicated and not letting the pressure pull me down. I am happy that my dota team has been reborned, and our attitudes are awesome for members that never play with each other before. I was impressed by the communication and dedication. Please chun wai dont ruin my dream.
Everyone keeps telling me to just let it go, but why? I rather solve the problem and then let it go. So now at least i have a clear and stable mind. Problem solved.
Sorry Manfer, i dont mean to be so cold and heartless to you. Thanks for covering my ass all the time at work. Love ya. Dont get me wrong, i really do mean what i said to you. Nomatter how hard u might take it, it was honest words from me and the others as well. I did the dirty job to tell u off, but better realize it and change it rather than maintain that same attitude. LOL. Chillex.
Like i said, tomorrow is a start of something new. Lets rock the house.
Dreams are meant to come true, if only dedication and will is there.
Sorrows are meant to be solved, instead of letting it hunt arround you.
Words are meant to be said, but choose the right words.
Aims are meant to be acheived, with the right goal and decision to make.
LoL.. I keep finding words to keep me dedicated and not letting the pressure pull me down. I am happy that my dota team has been reborned, and our attitudes are awesome for members that never play with each other before. I was impressed by the communication and dedication. Please chun wai dont ruin my dream.
Everyone keeps telling me to just let it go, but why? I rather solve the problem and then let it go. So now at least i have a clear and stable mind. Problem solved.
Sorry Manfer, i dont mean to be so cold and heartless to you. Thanks for covering my ass all the time at work. Love ya. Dont get me wrong, i really do mean what i said to you. Nomatter how hard u might take it, it was honest words from me and the others as well. I did the dirty job to tell u off, but better realize it and change it rather than maintain that same attitude. LOL. Chillex.
Like i said, tomorrow is a start of something new. Lets rock the house.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
What a Merdeka day
I come back after work, and i knew that i missed all the fun counting down for Merdeka. LOL. There i saw customers walking in drunked, all dressed up and coming in big groups. What to do, work mah.
Neways, i received this e-mail from a friend, and i loved this story so much. Tought i could quote it here in this blog for more people to see. The story goes:
An amazing Love Story
He met her on a party.
She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him.
At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him,she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised.
They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home....
suddenly he asked the waiter.. 'would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee.'
Everybody stared at him, so strange!
His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.
She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby?
He replied: 'when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee.
Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there'.
While saying that tears filled his eyes.
She was deeply touched.
That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart.
A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.
Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.
They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful.
He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life...
And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffeee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.
After 40 years, he passed away,left her a letter which said:
'My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything.. Now I'm dying, I am afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life,even though I have to drink the salty coffee again'.
Her tears made the letter totally wet.
Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.
Moral,
Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive, not 2 c but 2 understand, not 2 hear but 2 listen, not 2 let go but 2 HOLD ON !!!!
Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.
~Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
~Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
~Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
~Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
~Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
~Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
~Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
~Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's her.'
Neways, i received this e-mail from a friend, and i loved this story so much. Tought i could quote it here in this blog for more people to see. The story goes:
An amazing Love Story
He met her on a party.
She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him.
At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him,she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised.
They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home....
suddenly he asked the waiter.. 'would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee.'
Everybody stared at him, so strange!
His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.
She asked him curiously; why you have this hobby?
He replied: 'when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I like playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee.
Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there'.
While saying that tears filled his eyes.
She was deeply touched.
That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart.
A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.
Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story.
They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful.
He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee!
Then the story was just like every beautiful love story , the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life...
And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffeee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.
After 40 years, he passed away,left her a letter which said:
'My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything.. Now I'm dying, I am afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life,even though I have to drink the salty coffee again'.
Her tears made the letter totally wet.
Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.
Moral,
Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgive, not 2 c but 2 understand, not 2 hear but 2 listen, not 2 let go but 2 HOLD ON !!!!
Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love.
~Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
~Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
~Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
~Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
~Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
~Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
~Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
~Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, '...that's her.'
Friday, August 29, 2008
Here i come
I am here in FTZ doing my team's 1st day training. Haha.. at last i think i got the team that can actualy take over the places of Keisuke, Jin and Bin that has left me for their studies.. sob..
Today is Nick's last day of a student life... tomorrow, he will be a man, working and living on his own money. I imagine how will i feel when i am finally there.. hmm..*
Yay... fun fun fun... i got like 5 new T-shirts given from Penny. Haha... this is a fren lah.. i pay for petrol and toll go fetch her from Airport, there are presents. Do what also worthy lor... Love u babe, thankies.
Hmm, we have happy moments ofcourse, the sadpart is about to come... haiz. FTZBB aka Kelvin, resigned from Ftz.Asia.Net. Damn it, i just talked to him like 4 days ago about the sponsorship to go on for my team. Now that dream seems reachless. Darn it.
Thx Ven, i learned a new word in my head, CAPRICE! yea rite.. tell that to someone u know better.
Today is Nick's last day of a student life... tomorrow, he will be a man, working and living on his own money. I imagine how will i feel when i am finally there.. hmm..*
Yay... fun fun fun... i got like 5 new T-shirts given from Penny. Haha... this is a fren lah.. i pay for petrol and toll go fetch her from Airport, there are presents. Do what also worthy lor... Love u babe, thankies.
Hmm, we have happy moments ofcourse, the sadpart is about to come... haiz. FTZBB aka Kelvin, resigned from Ftz.Asia.Net. Damn it, i just talked to him like 4 days ago about the sponsorship to go on for my team. Now that dream seems reachless. Darn it.
Thx Ven, i learned a new word in my head, CAPRICE! yea rite.. tell that to someone u know better.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Working Days
Its my 4th day of work and its willy's 1st day. LOL.. i came slightly earlier to kacau him. He said it was so boring. Well, suits his nick neways.. he is boringsoboring. Neways... i was thinking, i have only worked like 4 days and i have already collected RM100++. Considering most of the time being used in working and sleeping besides eating, there is almost no where have i been to spend my money. I kinda love this job for that reason. Haha..
Because of the weird working hours.. i've been rudely awaken by phone calls during the morning sleep. Damn it.. i need my rest people.. be considerate. Yesterday, i got a phone call from INTi college, telling me that i have to send in the unit outlines. I was like AGAIN!!! WTF? I send to u guys twice.. WTF! slammed the phone. Wahaha..
Shit maybe gonna be classmates with Daidai.. GG!
Early this morning, we went to puchong to cheak out some new mamaks and new hang out areas. Well, i personally loved the food there, but the service sucks.. haha. It was a guys day out, and i was clearly relaxed and calm. Well, despite the shit that i was going through, i think i managed my feelings pretty well. *proud*
I had a talk with Blake, and something accured in my head. I really do understand now.
What happens if you care so much for a person? Your intentions and everything was good, but y does it always ended up with quarelling and argueing? Even hate might come to the picture. Well, this is very subjective really, but I personally went through a rough picture and reserch on families arround me, and i discovered that most children feels irritated and tired of listening to their parents. I personally admit this, i kinda hate my parents for telling me what to do and all. LOL...
Then i tought, who loves us more than our own 2 parents? They are the 2 most caring person to u than anybody else in this entire world. But y does this "CARING" repays with bullshit from the other party? Y does human beings rather be stubborn and learn things the hard way? Hmm.. thinking bout it, i find being a human being in this life is the repayment of KARMA or SINs. Cause what more are we having than suffering? LOL.. well this is just my tought. Comments will be accepted. Haha...
Because of the weird working hours.. i've been rudely awaken by phone calls during the morning sleep. Damn it.. i need my rest people.. be considerate. Yesterday, i got a phone call from INTi college, telling me that i have to send in the unit outlines. I was like AGAIN!!! WTF? I send to u guys twice.. WTF! slammed the phone. Wahaha..
Shit maybe gonna be classmates with Daidai.. GG!
Early this morning, we went to puchong to cheak out some new mamaks and new hang out areas. Well, i personally loved the food there, but the service sucks.. haha. It was a guys day out, and i was clearly relaxed and calm. Well, despite the shit that i was going through, i think i managed my feelings pretty well. *proud*
I had a talk with Blake, and something accured in my head. I really do understand now.
What happens if you care so much for a person? Your intentions and everything was good, but y does it always ended up with quarelling and argueing? Even hate might come to the picture. Well, this is very subjective really, but I personally went through a rough picture and reserch on families arround me, and i discovered that most children feels irritated and tired of listening to their parents. I personally admit this, i kinda hate my parents for telling me what to do and all. LOL...
Then i tought, who loves us more than our own 2 parents? They are the 2 most caring person to u than anybody else in this entire world. But y does this "CARING" repays with bullshit from the other party? Y does human beings rather be stubborn and learn things the hard way? Hmm.. thinking bout it, i find being a human being in this life is the repayment of KARMA or SINs. Cause what more are we having than suffering? LOL.. well this is just my tought. Comments will be accepted. Haha...
Friday, August 15, 2008
Condolences
I was back in Subang cause i cant get a job in Genting. *sigh*
The news came to me about 3 days after i was back here. Ebby aka Daniel Teoh, has passed away from a car accident.
He was a friend, teammate and a very smart son. Rest in peace my friend. We love u!
Well, life for us still go on, tomorrow will be my Granpa's bday. Yippie, free food! haha.. then i am starting work in Autsurf on Sunday. Hmm.. i hope the job as a partimer is harder.. cause i really want to keep myself occupied.
Wow, Cheryl change hair style de... she look so damn hot now. Damn it turns me on.. LOL!
Well, as promised to my parents, girls arent my priority now. I have to maintain my grades as i was a big disapointment to the family! Well, i will try my best not to let u all down! love u dad and mum!
Go Gary u can do it!
The news came to me about 3 days after i was back here. Ebby aka Daniel Teoh, has passed away from a car accident.
He was a friend, teammate and a very smart son. Rest in peace my friend. We love u!
Well, life for us still go on, tomorrow will be my Granpa's bday. Yippie, free food! haha.. then i am starting work in Autsurf on Sunday. Hmm.. i hope the job as a partimer is harder.. cause i really want to keep myself occupied.
Wow, Cheryl change hair style de... she look so damn hot now. Damn it turns me on.. LOL!
Well, as promised to my parents, girls arent my priority now. I have to maintain my grades as i was a big disapointment to the family! Well, i will try my best not to let u all down! love u dad and mum!
Go Gary u can do it!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
News update
2 days ago i was down in subang to handle some stuff in INTi. They keep telling me half way stuff and now its still not settled. wtf...
Good news, my smoking has cut down to half since i came up to Genting lol.. I will be going for interview soon to get a part time job. I have wasted my life enough already.. time to get serious.
OMG.... did u guys see the Olympics opening session? Damn nice.. i so wish that i had the chance to actualy be there to watch it live. Its so beautiful there. They said the haze was bad.. well.. we cant seem to see it on TV.. lol...
Oh yea... on the way down the other day from Genting.. my car spun twice and hit the fucking divider.. freaking scary experiance. And the best part was, i just got the front of my car repaired. LoL. well.. watever it is that happened, i am glad that i was safe and my car still moves like normal.
This is the Merdeka month... but all seems quiet and not as enthusiastic as years be4. Well, alot of things is happening but i think Malaysia can grow better and learn from mistakes rather than play it safe. sigh*
Good news, my smoking has cut down to half since i came up to Genting lol.. I will be going for interview soon to get a part time job. I have wasted my life enough already.. time to get serious.
OMG.... did u guys see the Olympics opening session? Damn nice.. i so wish that i had the chance to actualy be there to watch it live. Its so beautiful there. They said the haze was bad.. well.. we cant seem to see it on TV.. lol...
Oh yea... on the way down the other day from Genting.. my car spun twice and hit the fucking divider.. freaking scary experiance. And the best part was, i just got the front of my car repaired. LoL. well.. watever it is that happened, i am glad that i was safe and my car still moves like normal.
This is the Merdeka month... but all seems quiet and not as enthusiastic as years be4. Well, alot of things is happening but i think Malaysia can grow better and learn from mistakes rather than play it safe. sigh*
Sunday, August 3, 2008
MTV Asia
I was back in genting for the rest of the break.. I drove up and thank god my car hadnt broke down half way cause i was running low on fuel.. lol..
It was a saturday evening n i saw the madness in front of Genting Hotel.. so i decided to have some coffee in Bakery n watch the action. LOL... I got my drink n guess wat.. the place was packed.. and the seats outside was flooded. DRAT!!... Lucky for me.. I was offered by this Thai girl if i wanted to join her.. well y not.? haha..
We sat there and we start seeing Idols coming out of the hotel making their way to limos that will bring them to the Arena Of Stars. Well, come to think of it, i only did recognized Click 5 and the PussyCatDolls. LOL.. Later on, i got to know the Thai girl (Pik) and she brought her fren Nadia to join in. Its so sad i couldnt join them for the after party cause i was underaged... Darn!
I went to the enterance of Arena of stars with low hopes on getting myself in. Then i saw this fat lady coming out with free tickets!! lol.. we rushed like hell.. but at the end of the day.. i didnt manage to get any.. sigh*
The event started and i am still waiting outside the enterance and out of sudden i received a phone call from Sabrina, and her beautiful mummy got us 5 tickets! HAHAHA... n guess wat.. we got the mosh pit tickets... OMG!
It was such an awesome event for me, eventough the Malaysian crowd wasnt really sporting enough, but i was happy enough lay my hands on the freebies trown out from the host. I got myself an MTV cap. yay*
I love u aunt Veron.. u made my day.. haha... Thankies
It was a saturday evening n i saw the madness in front of Genting Hotel.. so i decided to have some coffee in Bakery n watch the action. LOL... I got my drink n guess wat.. the place was packed.. and the seats outside was flooded. DRAT!!... Lucky for me.. I was offered by this Thai girl if i wanted to join her.. well y not.? haha..
We sat there and we start seeing Idols coming out of the hotel making their way to limos that will bring them to the Arena Of Stars. Well, come to think of it, i only did recognized Click 5 and the PussyCatDolls. LOL.. Later on, i got to know the Thai girl (Pik) and she brought her fren Nadia to join in. Its so sad i couldnt join them for the after party cause i was underaged... Darn!
I went to the enterance of Arena of stars with low hopes on getting myself in. Then i saw this fat lady coming out with free tickets!! lol.. we rushed like hell.. but at the end of the day.. i didnt manage to get any.. sigh*
The event started and i am still waiting outside the enterance and out of sudden i received a phone call from Sabrina, and her beautiful mummy got us 5 tickets! HAHAHA... n guess wat.. we got the mosh pit tickets... OMG!
It was such an awesome event for me, eventough the Malaysian crowd wasnt really sporting enough, but i was happy enough lay my hands on the freebies trown out from the host. I got myself an MTV cap. yay*
I love u aunt Veron.. u made my day.. haha... Thankies
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
The end of things
Well, its has been a long way for me in this love life with viv. I have tought of it really clearly, and i think the true and sincere thing to do now is by letting go. I did all i could, and all seems to me that i've over done it. Its over and i give up on trying to be the man for her. I've done so many stupid things to make her go very emotional. We are argueing more than anything else.. no point bringging it to the next level when we are not meant for each other anyways. For the time being.. its just letting go of all the things we have together.. i wont give a shit anymore. Lets just walk our own seperate ways. Bye viv... Take care.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Have you ever?
Well, its been a week since i last updated. Going through a rough time here. I went for a shopping time with viv, ven and their mother. Well, that was the most expensive shopping time i ever seen. We ate the most unworthy tepanyaki in pavillion, that i can assure u guys. Sigh*
Well, the secret was out, i took viv to TonyRoma's for her bday. It wasnt much but it was as much that i could give. I think we had a good time. Haha.. She loved the flowers that i gave her, that i was really happy about.
Eventough, i was rejected again, i think it was worth a try. When we walked out of the restarant, the waiter said to me that i was lucky to have her as my GF. That really broke my heart.
Its amazing, how much a girl can change my life. I cant eat when she was not happy, i cant sleep if she wasnt home, i cant stfu if i dont know where she was, etc etc..
I know i cant be like a control freak knowing everything she does, i just need to know where she was going and i would be releived. She is a big girl, and i know she can take care of herself.
I want her soo much as my girlfriend, at least when i am not with her, i know that her heart was with me. That is something that i really needed.
I cant stand just being her "friend" because i know that she can attract many other guys out there, and i really feel insecure. I just need that bond of a boyfriend there, just to be someone more in her heart. I want to hug her to sleep, i want to give her the most romantic 1st kiss she would never forget, i want to just see her play dota like a little child, I want to be the best guy she ever knew, i want to tuck her in bed when she is sick, i want to hold her hand and enjoy the time we have together, no boundries.. no worries.. n no EMO*.
If ever that day comes, i will treasure it to the very last moments of my life...
Questions run through minds of people in love, What is she doing now? How is her studies going? Did she have enough sleep? Did her headache attack?... EVERYTHING! I just wonder, how much to i mean to her, that was y i never stop trying. I know i've been pushing too hard, but i just never want to lose her. Sob*
Well, the secret was out, i took viv to TonyRoma's for her bday. It wasnt much but it was as much that i could give. I think we had a good time. Haha.. She loved the flowers that i gave her, that i was really happy about.
Eventough, i was rejected again, i think it was worth a try. When we walked out of the restarant, the waiter said to me that i was lucky to have her as my GF. That really broke my heart.
Its amazing, how much a girl can change my life. I cant eat when she was not happy, i cant sleep if she wasnt home, i cant stfu if i dont know where she was, etc etc..
I know i cant be like a control freak knowing everything she does, i just need to know where she was going and i would be releived. She is a big girl, and i know she can take care of herself.
I want her soo much as my girlfriend, at least when i am not with her, i know that her heart was with me. That is something that i really needed.
I cant stand just being her "friend" because i know that she can attract many other guys out there, and i really feel insecure. I just need that bond of a boyfriend there, just to be someone more in her heart. I want to hug her to sleep, i want to give her the most romantic 1st kiss she would never forget, i want to just see her play dota like a little child, I want to be the best guy she ever knew, i want to tuck her in bed when she is sick, i want to hold her hand and enjoy the time we have together, no boundries.. no worries.. n no EMO*.
If ever that day comes, i will treasure it to the very last moments of my life...
Questions run through minds of people in love, What is she doing now? How is her studies going? Did she have enough sleep? Did her headache attack?... EVERYTHING! I just wonder, how much to i mean to her, that was y i never stop trying. I know i've been pushing too hard, but i just never want to lose her. Sob*
Monday, July 21, 2008
Drunken Story (what i remembered)
Days ago, i was whining about, if viv was going for nash's party and what a miserable time for me, but things didnt really turn up as bad as i expected.
I was sooo concerned that she might get drunk again and create a big headache for me, so i held a deal with her. She must not get drunk n she promised in condition that i must get myself drunk. Well, i dont really like myself being drunk either, but i think, i can bare with that. LOL..
That night, again we were all some typical Malaysians, that cant go according to plan. We reached poppy at 11.50pm... wow.. so much for meeting up n leaving from FTZ at 9.30. Haha.. We got there n started toasting, then viv looked at me, and reminded me about our deal. So i stood up with the birthday boy, and drinking as much as he was.
Reaching towards my 12th cup, i was really tipsy and feeling the alcohol going up my head, so i went to dance with nash, vic, cathy, danniel and viv. Along the way downstairs(towards poppy), reaching to the dance floor, i offered my hand to viv so that i dont lost her in the crowd. She just told me "no".
Well, as drunk as i was, i really got emotional, i went to the dance floor, nash was showing me signals to go dance with viv, but i refused. I keep pulling it back n start whispering to her that, it was okay, she can go dance with which ever guy she wants, I couldnt care more. Then i decided to leave the dance floor immidiately. I told her, go ahead and have fun, and head straight back to the table upstairs. She followed me to make sure that i make it to the table seeing my wavy walking.
Then she asked if i was okay, well a drunk person wont deny that that are "okay"... lol.. i went to dance at the dance floor upstairs (Passion), and again, i refused to dance with viv, i really dont think she enjoyed dancing with me anyways. I pushed her away and went back to the table to get some rest. (Removed for privacy purposes). Well, what more can i say to that? lol... i just kept quiet and ask her to go enjoy herself.
I was depressed with a given up heart that night, as she kept giving me signals that i was important to her, then somehow tearing them all the way down again... n now this... haizz... Its like a huge rooller coaster that i cant find the thrill in. But one thing that i can really conclude is that, she really did go on with our deal, she was totally sober the whole night, taking care of the drunken boy (me).
For that night, (Removed) I think that was the most romantic moment i ever had with her... if only i could just do it without getting drunk.
Even tough i spoke as if i had given up, but there is always hope, and its not over till its over. I really do love her. Sorry for the trouble viv.
I was sooo concerned that she might get drunk again and create a big headache for me, so i held a deal with her. She must not get drunk n she promised in condition that i must get myself drunk. Well, i dont really like myself being drunk either, but i think, i can bare with that. LOL..
That night, again we were all some typical Malaysians, that cant go according to plan. We reached poppy at 11.50pm... wow.. so much for meeting up n leaving from FTZ at 9.30. Haha.. We got there n started toasting, then viv looked at me, and reminded me about our deal. So i stood up with the birthday boy, and drinking as much as he was.
Reaching towards my 12th cup, i was really tipsy and feeling the alcohol going up my head, so i went to dance with nash, vic, cathy, danniel and viv. Along the way downstairs(towards poppy), reaching to the dance floor, i offered my hand to viv so that i dont lost her in the crowd. She just told me "no".
Well, as drunk as i was, i really got emotional, i went to the dance floor, nash was showing me signals to go dance with viv, but i refused. I keep pulling it back n start whispering to her that, it was okay, she can go dance with which ever guy she wants, I couldnt care more. Then i decided to leave the dance floor immidiately. I told her, go ahead and have fun, and head straight back to the table upstairs. She followed me to make sure that i make it to the table seeing my wavy walking.
Then she asked if i was okay, well a drunk person wont deny that that are "okay"... lol.. i went to dance at the dance floor upstairs (Passion), and again, i refused to dance with viv, i really dont think she enjoyed dancing with me anyways. I pushed her away and went back to the table to get some rest. (Removed for privacy purposes). Well, what more can i say to that? lol... i just kept quiet and ask her to go enjoy herself.
I was depressed with a given up heart that night, as she kept giving me signals that i was important to her, then somehow tearing them all the way down again... n now this... haizz... Its like a huge rooller coaster that i cant find the thrill in. But one thing that i can really conclude is that, she really did go on with our deal, she was totally sober the whole night, taking care of the drunken boy (me).
For that night, (Removed) I think that was the most romantic moment i ever had with her... if only i could just do it without getting drunk.
Even tough i spoke as if i had given up, but there is always hope, and its not over till its over. I really do love her. Sorry for the trouble viv.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
As the days come
Its just so fast that tomorrow is the day of Nash's birthday celebration. Its still not known whether or not viv is going, but i just cant seem to let my friend down and agreed nomatter what i will still attend the party. We are in a dilema of celebrating in Popi or Maison. Hmm... since i havent been to Popi, i would rather go there neways.
Sad day for me in Dota, i actualy lost 4 games in 1 day. WTF... that is just sad man... n tourney is coming up on saturday. Well, i've got loads to buck up on. Neways, its been more than a week since the big arguement with viv, and yesterday she called to ask y did i mentioned that i wouldnt attend the party if she does? If only u knew what i felt and what i went through in BarCelona, i think u wouldnt ask that question viv.
Seriously, is it just childish to refuse seeing the girl that you love get drunk? I dont get it, i really did all i can to take care of her when she got drunk, but the only think that she can say to me is "LET GO!", "GO AWAY!". Sorry for being "childish" but i cant bare with it.
Is there anyone in this world who actualy dont trust anyone? is it actualy posible? lol...
Sad day for me in Dota, i actualy lost 4 games in 1 day. WTF... that is just sad man... n tourney is coming up on saturday. Well, i've got loads to buck up on. Neways, its been more than a week since the big arguement with viv, and yesterday she called to ask y did i mentioned that i wouldnt attend the party if she does? If only u knew what i felt and what i went through in BarCelona, i think u wouldnt ask that question viv.
Seriously, is it just childish to refuse seeing the girl that you love get drunk? I dont get it, i really did all i can to take care of her when she got drunk, but the only think that she can say to me is "LET GO!", "GO AWAY!". Sorry for being "childish" but i cant bare with it.
Is there anyone in this world who actualy dont trust anyone? is it actualy posible? lol...
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sucky times
Its been like a debt week for me as alot of people owe me money and i owe others. I was like wtf? lol... Neways, my allowance is coming up tomorrow anyways, so i'll just bare with it.
Viv, went to perhentian island for holidays with her high school friends. I was happy enough that she called, smsed and even bought me souvenier. Thx.. Eventough, wat we said on phone wasnt anything at all, but i was happy that she did remember me in some ways. Happy moments even with the guilt still hunting me every nite.
I went out with me ex for a drink 2 days ago, sharing problems and joking with our times be4. I asked her for some help and suggestions for Viv's upcoming birthday. Well, she said what i already planned would already be good enough. Well, i think the problem is just me, when i am always think nothing is ever good enough, i just want the best.
Anyways, here i am in FTZ posting this post. Guess wat? my comp died.... I dont know what is wrong with it but, yeah it sucks, since i bought a new mouse and mousepad to go with it. *damn
Friday, would be Nash's birthday, and a whole bunch of us would be going to celebrate his valueable 24th birthday. He said that it would be his last birthday in Malaysia... well, we only can wait and see. I was really sorry for him, as I made a pat that i wouldnt turn up if viv is going. I wouldnt want to have another day like my first post, the time when we went BarCelona. It was heart breaking to see a girl that you love calling someone else name when she is drunk.
Oh yeah, happy times in Bon odori. Posting some pics there when my comp revives. We saw this super hot chick in McDonalds after the event, well at least i still have the interest in girls after such a rough time with viv. Rough but the happiest moments of my life.
*missing u every moment, everytime*
Viv, went to perhentian island for holidays with her high school friends. I was happy enough that she called, smsed and even bought me souvenier. Thx.. Eventough, wat we said on phone wasnt anything at all, but i was happy that she did remember me in some ways. Happy moments even with the guilt still hunting me every nite.
I went out with me ex for a drink 2 days ago, sharing problems and joking with our times be4. I asked her for some help and suggestions for Viv's upcoming birthday. Well, she said what i already planned would already be good enough. Well, i think the problem is just me, when i am always think nothing is ever good enough, i just want the best.
Anyways, here i am in FTZ posting this post. Guess wat? my comp died.... I dont know what is wrong with it but, yeah it sucks, since i bought a new mouse and mousepad to go with it. *damn
Friday, would be Nash's birthday, and a whole bunch of us would be going to celebrate his valueable 24th birthday. He said that it would be his last birthday in Malaysia... well, we only can wait and see. I was really sorry for him, as I made a pat that i wouldnt turn up if viv is going. I wouldnt want to have another day like my first post, the time when we went BarCelona. It was heart breaking to see a girl that you love calling someone else name when she is drunk.
Oh yeah, happy times in Bon odori. Posting some pics there when my comp revives. We saw this super hot chick in McDonalds after the event, well at least i still have the interest in girls after such a rough time with viv. Rough but the happiest moments of my life.
*missing u every moment, everytime*
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Things are never the same again
Its hard these days to show a nice smile and think that everything was ok. I have to really learn how to just put my feelings a side, and start tolerating what goes on to maintain the "nice face".
Well, i am really trying to just be normal and happy infront of everyone. Kazu is back in Subang later in the evening, so i should be hanging out with him and the others keeping me away from FTZ as much as i can. Haha..
Yesterday, Viv messaged me and asked if i was in Genting. Eventough it wasn't a brilliant question to ask, but at least she still remembers me. Haha.. For all thats worth i just felt so happy when i actualy turned up in her mind out of no where. We havent spoke a single word to each other the day after, and just 1 day, it felt like the day just cant be right not having her arround me. Everything was just never into place.
I really wanted to know, if a girl says that she is not angry with you anymore, does it mean that you are forgiven? Eventough viv, does talk to me, and laugh arround like normal, something really deep seems to be missing. Besides the bullshit ever happened before when arguements are more than anything else, now we are not argueing but something just aint right.
I saw her today in FTZ, and it was sad that i havent got the guts to even say hello. After all i've done, i just cant seem to sleep peacefully. Life changes, but this is a change that i dont want to see it come. I just miss her so much. I just hope we could be like before and i really think that i got it right this time.
Forgiveness should be done after we forget, and love shall come after we connect. Its all the job of the GOD that i beleive in now, "TIME". Miss u Viv. sigh*
Well, i am really trying to just be normal and happy infront of everyone. Kazu is back in Subang later in the evening, so i should be hanging out with him and the others keeping me away from FTZ as much as i can. Haha..
Yesterday, Viv messaged me and asked if i was in Genting. Eventough it wasn't a brilliant question to ask, but at least she still remembers me. Haha.. For all thats worth i just felt so happy when i actualy turned up in her mind out of no where. We havent spoke a single word to each other the day after, and just 1 day, it felt like the day just cant be right not having her arround me. Everything was just never into place.
I really wanted to know, if a girl says that she is not angry with you anymore, does it mean that you are forgiven? Eventough viv, does talk to me, and laugh arround like normal, something really deep seems to be missing. Besides the bullshit ever happened before when arguements are more than anything else, now we are not argueing but something just aint right.
I saw her today in FTZ, and it was sad that i havent got the guts to even say hello. After all i've done, i just cant seem to sleep peacefully. Life changes, but this is a change that i dont want to see it come. I just miss her so much. I just hope we could be like before and i really think that i got it right this time.
Forgiveness should be done after we forget, and love shall come after we connect. Its all the job of the GOD that i beleive in now, "TIME". Miss u Viv. sigh*
Monday, July 7, 2008
All I Could have did
Today, i started my day quite early in the morning when i just cant seem to have enough of sleep but i just wanted to fulfill my very very last moments with viv. Well, i havent updated the info but i just wont want to even talk about it, all i can say is that i did a terrible mistake.
Well, since we didnt manage to watch movie on friday we made a pat that we would watch it on monday after her class. It was a hard time even contacting her but we manage to watch it at the end of the day.
I am so happy that even after the day, i was left with just an empty wallet. At least i just got the time to see her. Well, it was so cold and i couldnt even have the courage to even ask her if she could offer me a hug. I was just too shy after wat i did, and i dont think in any way she would want to hug me as well. So i just bared with the cold, and watched the movie with deep sadness. I promised to her that i will be a man 1 day and i wont be with her untill I am the man she wants.
We went to Zenmai to have some sushi.. haha.. it was a horrifying moment for me, as i see japanese food as bad as poison, just wanted her to kinda laugh at me or something, i actualy took some into my mouth. I nearly trew up, but i manage to swallow it. Haha... Sadly, i really didnt have enough cash with me at that time, so we didnt get a perfect dinner. Well, all i did was borrowing my fren some cash and ended up having trouble paying for my own food with my loved one. Haha... well, we all know that whatever we do in our life or choices that we make, we never look back as we can never change the pass.
N guess wat, those salesmen came to sell the UMBRO perfumme again... haha... danniel and amir both bought 1 for each other... Well, i will always remember the time that i had when i received that perfumme from viv. We did had good times together tough, too bad that i was too naive to give her the happiness in life. I will seriously miss the time we had together. Its a waste that i cant keep my tears from falling everytime i see her picture in my phone. Sorry for being such a puss.
All i can say here is sorry viv, i really was being paranoid and please forgive me one day.
Goal : Grow up
Aim : Be Viv's one day
Song for you viv : How am I suppose to live without you by Michael Bolton
Well, since we didnt manage to watch movie on friday we made a pat that we would watch it on monday after her class. It was a hard time even contacting her but we manage to watch it at the end of the day.
I am so happy that even after the day, i was left with just an empty wallet. At least i just got the time to see her. Well, it was so cold and i couldnt even have the courage to even ask her if she could offer me a hug. I was just too shy after wat i did, and i dont think in any way she would want to hug me as well. So i just bared with the cold, and watched the movie with deep sadness. I promised to her that i will be a man 1 day and i wont be with her untill I am the man she wants.
We went to Zenmai to have some sushi.. haha.. it was a horrifying moment for me, as i see japanese food as bad as poison, just wanted her to kinda laugh at me or something, i actualy took some into my mouth. I nearly trew up, but i manage to swallow it. Haha... Sadly, i really didnt have enough cash with me at that time, so we didnt get a perfect dinner. Well, all i did was borrowing my fren some cash and ended up having trouble paying for my own food with my loved one. Haha... well, we all know that whatever we do in our life or choices that we make, we never look back as we can never change the pass.
N guess wat, those salesmen came to sell the UMBRO perfumme again... haha... danniel and amir both bought 1 for each other... Well, i will always remember the time that i had when i received that perfumme from viv. We did had good times together tough, too bad that i was too naive to give her the happiness in life. I will seriously miss the time we had together. Its a waste that i cant keep my tears from falling everytime i see her picture in my phone. Sorry for being such a puss.
All i can say here is sorry viv, i really was being paranoid and please forgive me one day.
Goal : Grow up
Aim : Be Viv's one day
Song for you viv : How am I suppose to live without you by Michael Bolton
Friday, July 4, 2008
I ruin the day
Damn, i feel so stupid today... i fetched viv to One Utama for the ESWC qualifiers. Haiz... i blew my chance to have a nice movie time with her.. i feel sooo stupid now, as both saturday and sunday we are both busy.
Neways, for the first time since i came back to subang till now, i actualy came back at 10.30pm. LOL.. i was proud of myself, untill... my brother came in to my room to take some CDs... wtf.. that woke me up... Well, i am a kind of person that can sleep again after i wake up, so i decided to go FTZ... sigh*
Guess who i saw there? lol.. viv is there sleeping infront of her PC. Her hero was laying there for more than 30 mins.. so i went n took over... looking at her sleeping under my arms, it was sooo tempting to go kiss her on her forehead... I was kinda angry at her tough, cause she has to work tomorrow n there she is sleeping away in the internet cafe at 4am in the morning..
Its been 6 months since i started wooing her.. well, i dunno bout u guys, but feelings got deeper for me as more time goes by... yeah... we do argue alot, but i always think that arguing now is better than later.. haha.. At least there is time for both to change for the better... not only to each other, but for others as well.
The plan today was fetching her to OneU and when all was done, its gonna be about 11pm, so i can actualy stay over her place. Well, all was good untill i agreed to fetch my fren Danniel and Chan to OneU with me as well. LOL... well duty calls, i can fetch them there, i have to fetch them back neways... so my plan was failed... and accidentally ffk viv for movie.. damn it... well i will make it up to her tomorrow for a nice movie dinner date... haha..
I just LOVE time when we are just alone together.. Hoping for 1 day, i can hold her in my arms every single day and giving the love that she deserves... Cheers*
Neways, for the first time since i came back to subang till now, i actualy came back at 10.30pm. LOL.. i was proud of myself, untill... my brother came in to my room to take some CDs... wtf.. that woke me up... Well, i am a kind of person that can sleep again after i wake up, so i decided to go FTZ... sigh*
Guess who i saw there? lol.. viv is there sleeping infront of her PC. Her hero was laying there for more than 30 mins.. so i went n took over... looking at her sleeping under my arms, it was sooo tempting to go kiss her on her forehead... I was kinda angry at her tough, cause she has to work tomorrow n there she is sleeping away in the internet cafe at 4am in the morning..
Its been 6 months since i started wooing her.. well, i dunno bout u guys, but feelings got deeper for me as more time goes by... yeah... we do argue alot, but i always think that arguing now is better than later.. haha.. At least there is time for both to change for the better... not only to each other, but for others as well.
The plan today was fetching her to OneU and when all was done, its gonna be about 11pm, so i can actualy stay over her place. Well, all was good untill i agreed to fetch my fren Danniel and Chan to OneU with me as well. LOL... well duty calls, i can fetch them there, i have to fetch them back neways... so my plan was failed... and accidentally ffk viv for movie.. damn it... well i will make it up to her tomorrow for a nice movie dinner date... haha..
I just LOVE time when we are just alone together.. Hoping for 1 day, i can hold her in my arms every single day and giving the love that she deserves... Cheers*
Saturday, June 28, 2008
The more you try, The worst it gets
Sadly, its just so hard to face it in reality. Hearing songs related to your life on radio, hearing romours or humours people make about you, trying to be the best that you can be, trying to be as caring as posible, the patients to face her flaws, the intergrity lost from every direction, chances on watching the girl that you love happy, ways to prove that you're worth it.
It's sad to know that every shit that comes out from your mouth just irritates the shit out of people. It's not my fault to be brought up this way, where i just dont communicate much with people from "now". Things can be just the same, but expressed to you in a total different way than others. Yeah again i need to face it because life is never fair right? Everything has to be given but not taken... i just dont know how long i can bare with this shit, but when it gets out of hand, i think i might just BLOW!...
I know one day i will sit down infront of the computer laughing at this blog, seeing how naive i am. Being so old school by showing "sincere" instead of "charm". To tell "truth and honesty" instead of "sweet talks". Its just hard when you can see and feel that she gives a shit about you, but for wat reasons? LOVE? or she still needs you for certain reasons....
Theres soo many questions running through my head, when i know that the questions are only there because i asked for it. I got myself into this broken shoe, where i dont want to get out of it, but i want to repair it. I just cant seem to find the right solution for this...
It's sad to know that every shit that comes out from your mouth just irritates the shit out of people. It's not my fault to be brought up this way, where i just dont communicate much with people from "now". Things can be just the same, but expressed to you in a total different way than others. Yeah again i need to face it because life is never fair right? Everything has to be given but not taken... i just dont know how long i can bare with this shit, but when it gets out of hand, i think i might just BLOW!...
I know one day i will sit down infront of the computer laughing at this blog, seeing how naive i am. Being so old school by showing "sincere" instead of "charm". To tell "truth and honesty" instead of "sweet talks". Its just hard when you can see and feel that she gives a shit about you, but for wat reasons? LOVE? or she still needs you for certain reasons....
Theres soo many questions running through my head, when i know that the questions are only there because i asked for it. I got myself into this broken shoe, where i dont want to get out of it, but i want to repair it. I just cant seem to find the right solution for this...
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Confused
I am back in genting for the 2nd day. I dont know what happen to me, i was finding for a part time job, then when i got back, i was sick as a pig. LOL... its the first time i got food poisoning.
Neways, i miss viv so much up here. Cant help not seeing her beautiful smile and funny faces. *sigh* I promised her that i am gonna be up here, grow up n stop all the emo attitude. I'll see her during her birthday soon.
Since when Genting became sooo cold? I grew up here and i cant bare with the weather. Damn it.. Feel sooo weak.
The day be4 i came up genting, i sent viv to studio33, as she has some sort of an interview for comentating ESWC finals in OneU. She said,"You're a nice guy Gary, we are still young, have fun. But ofcourse dun give up on love also lah." Hmm.... Dun think so much lah Gary, if she wants you she'll come...
I really want to type more but this keyboard really sucks.
Neways, i miss viv so much up here. Cant help not seeing her beautiful smile and funny faces. *sigh* I promised her that i am gonna be up here, grow up n stop all the emo attitude. I'll see her during her birthday soon.
Since when Genting became sooo cold? I grew up here and i cant bare with the weather. Damn it.. Feel sooo weak.
The day be4 i came up genting, i sent viv to studio33, as she has some sort of an interview for comentating ESWC finals in OneU. She said,"You're a nice guy Gary, we are still young, have fun. But ofcourse dun give up on love also lah." Hmm.... Dun think so much lah Gary, if she wants you she'll come...
I really want to type more but this keyboard really sucks.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Lectures
I came down from Genting early this morning. Negotiations after negotiations with my parents, at the end of the day, i manage to convince them that i am actualy serious to study in inti college, for my American degree. Neways, its all good there.
Later in the evening, i went with my parents to Carrefour to get some groceries. It was fun in a way when the family is together, shopping and i havent been seeing that in a long long time. Haha...
It was Jason's birthday, so i kinda called him over to fetch me somewhere so that i can celebrate with him since nobody asked him out yet. He's a great guy, but people seem to hate the way he boast about himself, all in all, he has been a great friend to me, there is no harm trying to make my friend happy for his Boring Birthday. *kekes*
We went Murni, with Ngai Hao, Ven, Mel, Evon and Willy, there is where all my lecturers start bangging me. Again and again its all about viv. I dont understand the fact that, she can be a real hard head at times, but I see her sensitive part and the beautiful part of viv. Emotions and temper can be improved from time to time. Theres no point talking n bringging up her pass as a so called barrier for me to love her. The pass cant be changed, but the present and the future can. Eventough there is a slight chance when it comes to Viv, but there is a chance, somewhere... I think that as a guy, i should tolerate the bad and love her positive side.
(Edited) My dignity and pride was shattered to ashes when everyone starts saying how stupid i am to go after a girl that seems imposible. Well, i kinda question myself sometimes, what i am actualy looking for? *sigh*
In my life, i have been through fast and long relationships, how fast i get a girl doesnt show how great I am, and how long i can last with a girl doesnt mean how patient I am. It all comes down to "what kind of relationship that we both are looking for?". I know, Viv is not ready to accept any guy at the moment, but it all still depends on how i want to make myself worth her love. There is no point bringging up all the stupid things i said to her, its the past. Y not just change, and build the relationship back up.
Sad to say, I am not a smooth talker, i am slow when it comes to girls that i really give a heart to. Not afraid of saying, i was a player back then. LOL.. When i dun give a shit, then i dun care about what people think, that leads to confidence and self-esteem. Having that, its a win-win situation. Lol... i've lived that part of my life before.
But i realize, from time to time, i build up enemies here and there. I just decided to change my lifestyle n try to be slightly on track with people. Being in the same channel so to speak.
What i see in Viv, is that she might be looking at a long term relationship rather than a for-fun-show guy. Which is just so important to know, so that nothing is taken for granted.
When a guy decides to make a move on a girl, there is no such thing as "wasting ur time". Come on, I am just 20, n she is just 18. What time are we wasting? There is only a chance to be given or taken from one another. This is no drama, lets face it, i am still holding on because my feelings are still with her. But, as time goes by, i might change my mind, but that is my decision.
LoL, i just hope that the feelings and chemistry between Viv and I can be settle between us. Can we work it out? Well, we'll let time decide.
Later in the evening, i went with my parents to Carrefour to get some groceries. It was fun in a way when the family is together, shopping and i havent been seeing that in a long long time. Haha...
It was Jason's birthday, so i kinda called him over to fetch me somewhere so that i can celebrate with him since nobody asked him out yet. He's a great guy, but people seem to hate the way he boast about himself, all in all, he has been a great friend to me, there is no harm trying to make my friend happy for his Boring Birthday. *kekes*
We went Murni, with Ngai Hao, Ven, Mel, Evon and Willy, there is where all my lecturers start bangging me. Again and again its all about viv. I dont understand the fact that, she can be a real hard head at times, but I see her sensitive part and the beautiful part of viv. Emotions and temper can be improved from time to time. Theres no point talking n bringging up her pass as a so called barrier for me to love her. The pass cant be changed, but the present and the future can. Eventough there is a slight chance when it comes to Viv, but there is a chance, somewhere... I think that as a guy, i should tolerate the bad and love her positive side.
(Edited) My dignity and pride was shattered to ashes when everyone starts saying how stupid i am to go after a girl that seems imposible. Well, i kinda question myself sometimes, what i am actualy looking for? *sigh*
In my life, i have been through fast and long relationships, how fast i get a girl doesnt show how great I am, and how long i can last with a girl doesnt mean how patient I am. It all comes down to "what kind of relationship that we both are looking for?". I know, Viv is not ready to accept any guy at the moment, but it all still depends on how i want to make myself worth her love. There is no point bringging up all the stupid things i said to her, its the past. Y not just change, and build the relationship back up.
Sad to say, I am not a smooth talker, i am slow when it comes to girls that i really give a heart to. Not afraid of saying, i was a player back then. LOL.. When i dun give a shit, then i dun care about what people think, that leads to confidence and self-esteem. Having that, its a win-win situation. Lol... i've lived that part of my life before.
But i realize, from time to time, i build up enemies here and there. I just decided to change my lifestyle n try to be slightly on track with people. Being in the same channel so to speak.
What i see in Viv, is that she might be looking at a long term relationship rather than a for-fun-show guy. Which is just so important to know, so that nothing is taken for granted.
When a guy decides to make a move on a girl, there is no such thing as "wasting ur time". Come on, I am just 20, n she is just 18. What time are we wasting? There is only a chance to be given or taken from one another. This is no drama, lets face it, i am still holding on because my feelings are still with her. But, as time goes by, i might change my mind, but that is my decision.
LoL, i just hope that the feelings and chemistry between Viv and I can be settle between us. Can we work it out? Well, we'll let time decide.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Worth It
Yesterday, i went up Genting as posted in my previous post. Well, it was such a rush cause my bus ticket was at 5pm and by 4.20pm i am still in subang. Lol... Ktm was so unreliable but i was so lucky yesterday when the train actualy came right away after i bought my ticket. haha... The rusking was tiring but Air supply was having a concert and i am not risking anything to miss it. Haha..
Nhai Hao, Ven n Viv was there to watch it as well. At first i was so worried that i cant go in because the show was organized by a third party company and Genting was only hosting the event venue. I suppose to meet up with Sabrina, but i managed to enter the concert anyways, thx to Uncle Micheal. LOL.. I went and shared a seat with Viv. Well, it was all good for me, untill tears filled my eye during the song Air Supply-Goodbye.
I think we all enjoyed the performances together, well at least i did. It kinda felt that Viv was my girlfriend for just that particular day. I never did want the nite to end, but so we learned that every good things does come to an end. LOL..
We kinda smile and needed each other that time. Oh well, i think i was there for her cause she just cant stand watching Nhai Hao and Ven getting all mushy with those love songs played. LoL... It felt so much like a double date couple.
Gary cried? Damn... being all emo and stuff, sucks. I know as a guy, its kinda paiseh, but wat can i do? lol.. cant help it at all.
The happiest thing for me is that, my parents got the chance to meet Viv, and they gave me all their blessing. Her first impression to them was good. Good job..
Then now, i am back in Subang.. lol.. it so happens that both my parents are on leave. So here i am back here. Well, at least i can smoke less with their presence. Haha... good day guys... My day was worth it..
Nhai Hao, Ven n Viv was there to watch it as well. At first i was so worried that i cant go in because the show was organized by a third party company and Genting was only hosting the event venue. I suppose to meet up with Sabrina, but i managed to enter the concert anyways, thx to Uncle Micheal. LOL.. I went and shared a seat with Viv. Well, it was all good for me, untill tears filled my eye during the song Air Supply-Goodbye.
I think we all enjoyed the performances together, well at least i did. It kinda felt that Viv was my girlfriend for just that particular day. I never did want the nite to end, but so we learned that every good things does come to an end. LOL..
We kinda smile and needed each other that time. Oh well, i think i was there for her cause she just cant stand watching Nhai Hao and Ven getting all mushy with those love songs played. LoL... It felt so much like a double date couple.
Gary cried? Damn... being all emo and stuff, sucks. I know as a guy, its kinda paiseh, but wat can i do? lol.. cant help it at all.
The happiest thing for me is that, my parents got the chance to meet Viv, and they gave me all their blessing. Her first impression to them was good. Good job..
Then now, i am back in Subang.. lol.. it so happens that both my parents are on leave. So here i am back here. Well, at least i can smoke less with their presence. Haha... good day guys... My day was worth it..
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Insonmia
Its been a week since i have this problem of sleeping. LOL,i might be a maniac, but all in my mind is just how is she doing there, she keeps hunting me with weird msn nicks. EG: i dont care anymore, U're my past, not my present nor my future, etc etc...
I am never anything in her life, but she is my everything, but yet... from my previous quoted post, we should be loved not making someone love you. Haha.. All i can do now is just wait.. even tough every little things she does hurts me inside, but i am there to bare with it, and hope i can be loved.
Fren : How's things with u n viv?
Gary : OK LAH, she is out with her frenz watch movie.
Fren : Who?? Those lala ah?
Gary : Dunno hope not.
Fren : Y u didnt go?
Gary : Since when i was invited for anything she does?
Fren : ...swt...
Well, any of u guys that see this blog i hope all of u guys, wont face the same thing as me. It just kills the mood to do anything. As a so called commedian n a big brother to the folks in Genting, I really do suck now. Seriously, at my lowest point.
I am fucking retarded to actualy, express all my feelings in the blog, but i never keep anything inside of me, i dun bundle up my problems and blow up at the end of the day. For me its rather than talking to frenz who cant understand wat i am going through. Sooo many different oppinions n so many different choices for me to make. I know deep down in my heart that letting go of her would make me feel much better in the long run, but i just cant do it. I just hope, my working days in Genting would give me a chance to actualy forget her. Its just amazing what just 1 girl could do in ur life....
Neways, we'll skip the emotional stuff, Jason is staying over my place tonite.. omg... He damn gay sleeping on my bed. I have no intention sleeping with him at all.. so i'm going to the hall. LOL.. he got locked out of his house again.. I kinda pitty him tough, its the eve of his birthday and his car tire gave way. LOL.. well, happy birthday Jason, u're always a good fren to me. Sleep tight.
Later today, I'll be going to Genting. Staying close to my mum, to give her my love whom i know deserves it. Muax*
I am never anything in her life, but she is my everything, but yet... from my previous quoted post, we should be loved not making someone love you. Haha.. All i can do now is just wait.. even tough every little things she does hurts me inside, but i am there to bare with it, and hope i can be loved.
Fren : How's things with u n viv?
Gary : OK LAH, she is out with her frenz watch movie.
Fren : Who?? Those lala ah?
Gary : Dunno hope not.
Fren : Y u didnt go?
Gary : Since when i was invited for anything she does?
Fren : ...swt...
Well, any of u guys that see this blog i hope all of u guys, wont face the same thing as me. It just kills the mood to do anything. As a so called commedian n a big brother to the folks in Genting, I really do suck now. Seriously, at my lowest point.
I am fucking retarded to actualy, express all my feelings in the blog, but i never keep anything inside of me, i dun bundle up my problems and blow up at the end of the day. For me its rather than talking to frenz who cant understand wat i am going through. Sooo many different oppinions n so many different choices for me to make. I know deep down in my heart that letting go of her would make me feel much better in the long run, but i just cant do it. I just hope, my working days in Genting would give me a chance to actualy forget her. Its just amazing what just 1 girl could do in ur life....
Neways, we'll skip the emotional stuff, Jason is staying over my place tonite.. omg... He damn gay sleeping on my bed. I have no intention sleeping with him at all.. so i'm going to the hall. LOL.. he got locked out of his house again.. I kinda pitty him tough, its the eve of his birthday and his car tire gave way. LOL.. well, happy birthday Jason, u're always a good fren to me. Sleep tight.
Later today, I'll be going to Genting. Staying close to my mum, to give her my love whom i know deserves it. Muax*
Life lessons *Quoted*
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.And, just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt, and you will get hurt as well in the process.
I've learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I've learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.
I've learned that it's more important in understanding the intentions of the act rather than the act itself.
I've learned that people would rather believed you're out to harm them rather than you're out to aid them.
I've learned that people are naturally selfish.
I've learned most people are usually perceived and judged by first impression.
I've learned that even if you have a license to kill, it does not necessitate you to go out and kill everybody you despised.
I've learn that true happiness is found is the man who is most contented.
I've learned that true serenity is about letting go. . .'
Beautiful words Edwin, may u be well and happy.
I've learned that listening to others for a change made me a better person.
I've learned that by loving someone, it doesn't mean that you should be together, the most important thing is the happiness she gets in the future coming.
Not as as beutiful as yours Edwin, but yeah.. i did learn that..
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back.
I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.
I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.And, just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt, and you will get hurt as well in the process.
I've learned that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I've learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.
I've learned that it's more important in understanding the intentions of the act rather than the act itself.
I've learned that people would rather believed you're out to harm them rather than you're out to aid them.
I've learned that people are naturally selfish.
I've learned most people are usually perceived and judged by first impression.
I've learned that even if you have a license to kill, it does not necessitate you to go out and kill everybody you despised.
I've learn that true happiness is found is the man who is most contented.
I've learned that true serenity is about letting go. . .'
Beautiful words Edwin, may u be well and happy.
I've learned that listening to others for a change made me a better person.
I've learned that by loving someone, it doesn't mean that you should be together, the most important thing is the happiness she gets in the future coming.
Not as as beutiful as yours Edwin, but yeah.. i did learn that..
As Promised
Its a broke day for me, so i am staying home looking through my blog to see how sucky my english can be. LOL.. then i remembered to try post up pictures in my blog, at last i found.
The box lying on my bed beside me all nite, kekes...
ok thats me, trying to act cool with the bottle. FAIL!
I suppose to be back up in Genting like 3 days ago, but delays after delays, problems after problems, i was so confident that i can be up by today. Yesterday nite, Amir called me up as he was locked out from his house for not obeying his curfew. LOL.. i went out to the shell station in USJ2 to get him and ended up bunking in my place. Then all i remembered was, i didnt wake up to go out with my brother, sigh*
Neways, knowing that viv is going out with her frenz today for movies sucks. Damn.. y cant i be there to watch together? lol.. Come on.. i am not that naive, she is just going out with her frenz, wat more can happen? It just sucks to know that i cant join in the fun.. damn...
Rotting now at home untill my brother gets back.. so cont later or tomorrow arite..
The box lying on my bed beside me all nite, kekes...
ok thats me, trying to act cool with the bottle. FAIL!
I suppose to be back up in Genting like 3 days ago, but delays after delays, problems after problems, i was so confident that i can be up by today. Yesterday nite, Amir called me up as he was locked out from his house for not obeying his curfew. LOL.. i went out to the shell station in USJ2 to get him and ended up bunking in my place. Then all i remembered was, i didnt wake up to go out with my brother, sigh*
Neways, knowing that viv is going out with her frenz today for movies sucks. Damn.. y cant i be there to watch together? lol.. Come on.. i am not that naive, she is just going out with her frenz, wat more can happen? It just sucks to know that i cant join in the fun.. damn...
Rotting now at home untill my brother gets back.. so cont later or tomorrow arite..
Friday, June 20, 2008
Amazing day
Well, i started my day slow, as i was having a hard time sleeping the nite be4. I called out my frenz for a lunch meet up. LOL... viv was there, n i did my best not to get the emotions in me affect the condition of the whole environment. Then these weird guys turn up to promote a new product.
The whole product thing was said to be in malaysia by august and its some kind of perfumme by UMBRO. The bottle cost RM120, and now while they are promoting, the company would support 50% so we would have to pay RM60 for the bottle and get 1 extra bottle free. Aiyah... let make things easier to understand, Rm30 per bottle. LOL...
All of a sudden, viv bought the bottles n actualy gave 1 to me. WTF? since when she knows how to offer things to people neways? i wondered. Well, ofcourse i accepted the gift with wide hands open. Haha.. I even took a picture with it. Will update it after i know how to upload some pictures to my blog.
Haha..I send her back again n was offered to eat at her place. LOL.. i rejected.. haha.. Its because the day went too well to ruin it. I am so afraid if all of a sudden i make her angry in any way.
I love today n god bless me.. kekes.
The whole product thing was said to be in malaysia by august and its some kind of perfumme by UMBRO. The bottle cost RM120, and now while they are promoting, the company would support 50% so we would have to pay RM60 for the bottle and get 1 extra bottle free. Aiyah... let make things easier to understand, Rm30 per bottle. LOL...
All of a sudden, viv bought the bottles n actualy gave 1 to me. WTF? since when she knows how to offer things to people neways? i wondered. Well, ofcourse i accepted the gift with wide hands open. Haha.. I even took a picture with it. Will update it after i know how to upload some pictures to my blog.
Haha..I send her back again n was offered to eat at her place. LOL.. i rejected.. haha.. Its because the day went too well to ruin it. I am so afraid if all of a sudden i make her angry in any way.
I love today n god bless me.. kekes.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Its been a long day...
When i woke up this morning.. i tought of a day where i can make vivienne change her thinking bout me.... At least she love the ball that i gave her.. haha... i heard her saying tq to me for the 1st time...
it all went well untill i went to her house for dinner... seems to me that whatever i do, its just not good enough. Haha.. well i cant blame her.. i've been pushing too hard.. even some face that i make seems to make her unhappy n saying that i am being sarcastic to her.. lol... i think i just have that irritating face which is given by All-mighty.
Cant blame a guy for trying that is all i can say.. i've decided to go work for my holidays, n i want to go somewhere far from subang to take a time out from all this bull shit.Well, after dinner, again i argued with her, n i just went out with Ven n Ngai Hao. We went n played pool, wow.. at least i didnt got a flat lost. Haha... It was fun n i loved their advice alot. So goodbye subang.
it all went well untill i went to her house for dinner... seems to me that whatever i do, its just not good enough. Haha.. well i cant blame her.. i've been pushing too hard.. even some face that i make seems to make her unhappy n saying that i am being sarcastic to her.. lol... i think i just have that irritating face which is given by All-mighty.
Cant blame a guy for trying that is all i can say.. i've decided to go work for my holidays, n i want to go somewhere far from subang to take a time out from all this bull shit.Well, after dinner, again i argued with her, n i just went out with Ven n Ngai Hao. We went n played pool, wow.. at least i didnt got a flat lost. Haha... It was fun n i loved their advice alot. So goodbye subang.
Monday, June 16, 2008
1st day of Blogspot...
Hi, I am Gary Tan Siong Wai, currently living in subang and going to Inti college this coming september. I am 20 this year and currently n sadly, single n available.. *sigh..
Neways, i am currently still after this girl that is just soooo damn hard to get.. well.. have any of u been into a position where, when u call her she say u are irritating, but when u dont she says u didnt care. WTF? I just dun get girls these days... when u do something for her she takes advantage, when u dont, then they say "u're just not sincere".. omg..
I was wondering, do every girls actualy assume every guys just want a piece of their body so thats y guys just have to work hard to get the girl, rather than the other way arround? hmm.. i dunno how girls fluctuate their price, but.. when u get too expensive n playing hard to get.. damn.. it just get into the nerves.. haha..
Just went barcelona for my 1st time last saturday n it was a great hit untill she gets drunk.. damn.. Can u all imagine, the feeling of seeing a girl that u love, dancing with some stranger guys?? omg.. that really hurt me like.. damn.. luckily it was just a dance n not particularly doing anything more deep into the whole process. haha.. I manage to pull her back n get her on her feet, then her heels went off. LOL.. please i think every guy will do what i did, took of my shoes n place in on her feet. Before i know it, she fell n i just got to bring her back to the table. *barefooted*. Can u imagine the pieces of glass broken n pukes all over the floor with a girl on ur back to carry plus a slight tipcy going up to ur head... damn.. i was owned!
Overall, at least i was happy that we didnt cause any much trouble in the club.. damn she bites n sorry to say, she is heavy!! haha.. maybe i am just not buff enough, so better buck up Gary.. This post suck as an intro to my blog, but, thats just in my head.. so just be it.. Haha..
Neways, i am currently still after this girl that is just soooo damn hard to get.. well.. have any of u been into a position where, when u call her she say u are irritating, but when u dont she says u didnt care. WTF? I just dun get girls these days... when u do something for her she takes advantage, when u dont, then they say "u're just not sincere".. omg..
I was wondering, do every girls actualy assume every guys just want a piece of their body so thats y guys just have to work hard to get the girl, rather than the other way arround? hmm.. i dunno how girls fluctuate their price, but.. when u get too expensive n playing hard to get.. damn.. it just get into the nerves.. haha..
Just went barcelona for my 1st time last saturday n it was a great hit untill she gets drunk.. damn.. Can u all imagine, the feeling of seeing a girl that u love, dancing with some stranger guys?? omg.. that really hurt me like.. damn.. luckily it was just a dance n not particularly doing anything more deep into the whole process. haha.. I manage to pull her back n get her on her feet, then her heels went off. LOL.. please i think every guy will do what i did, took of my shoes n place in on her feet. Before i know it, she fell n i just got to bring her back to the table. *barefooted*. Can u imagine the pieces of glass broken n pukes all over the floor with a girl on ur back to carry plus a slight tipcy going up to ur head... damn.. i was owned!
Overall, at least i was happy that we didnt cause any much trouble in the club.. damn she bites n sorry to say, she is heavy!! haha.. maybe i am just not buff enough, so better buck up Gary.. This post suck as an intro to my blog, but, thats just in my head.. so just be it.. Haha..
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